Human connection is meant to be nourishing - a reflection of safety, love and mutual growth. Yet sometimes, the bonds we form are born not out of love but out of survival. These are called trauma bonds - powerful emotional and energetic attachments that keep us tethered to cycles of pain, control or dependency even when we know they are unhealthy.
What Is Trauma Bonding?
Trauma bonding occurs when deep emotional connection forms through repeated cycles of pain, fear and intermittent reward. It’s the energetic glue that holds together relationships built on intensity rather than stability.
Psychologically, it’s rooted in the brain’s survival response as a pattern that develops when periods of abuse or neglect are followed by moments of affection, apology or relief. The nervious system learns to associate chaos with connection and love with pain.
Energetically, a trauma bond is a corded attachment, a binding of frequencies between two people that form’s during heightened emotional states. It can occur in romantic partnerships, families, friendships or even teacher - student or healer - client dynamics. The intensity of the emotional charge creates a strong energetic imprint in the auric field which can be difficult to release without conscious healing.
Where Does Trauma Bonding Come From?
Most trauma bonds trace back to childhoo.d. When we experience inconsistant care, love mixed with fear, presence mixed with absence then we internalize confusion about what love feels like. Our developing nervous system learns that love requires self abandonment or that closeness inevitably brings pain.
Later in life, we unconsciously recreate those patterns, magnetizing relationships that replay the familiar dynamics. The inner child is not seeking pain it is seeking resolution. It longs for the moment when the pattern will finally heal, when the love that once hurt will finally become safe. But, because unresolved energy attracts what matches it’s vibration, trauma bonds often perpetuate the very wound we are trying to heal.
Dysfunctional Patterns of a Trauma Bond
Trauma bonds often look like “intense love” at first. There’s chemistry, urgency and a sense of fate but beneath that intensity lies instability. Some common energetic and behavioral patterns include:
Push - pull dynamics: One partner pursues while the other withdraws creating cycles of chase and retreat that keep both nervous systems on edge.
Addictive highs and lows: Periods of closeness are followed by emotinal withdrawl, criticism or chaos. The nervous system becomes addicted to the adrenaline of reconnection.
Caretaking or “fixing”: One person becomes the healer/rescuer believing love can transform the other’s pain.
Self-abandonment: Ignoring one’s own needs or intuition to mainain connection
Energetic enmeshment: The auric fields overlap excessively whereby emotions, thoughts and even physical sensation blur between partners.
Fear of Loss or Emptiness: The idea of letting go feels unbearable as if part of one’s identity would dissolve.
Trauma bonds thrive on intensity, not intimacy. They feed off of charge, not calm. That is why peace can feel uncomfortable at first as the body is not yet used to it.
Why Is It so Difficult to Unhook?
Breaking free from a trauma bond isn’t about willpower; it’s about nervous system regulation and energetic disentanglement. When we bond through trauma, our physiology literally adapts to the other person’s energy. The body releases dopamine and oxytocin which are the same chemicals that create feelings of love and trust even in moments of conflict or mistreatment. The subconscious equates survival with staying connected so leaving feels like danger.
Energetically, trauma bonds create cords in the emotional and mental bodies. These cords can act as two - way channels of energy, continually triggering old emotions or memories. Even after separation, one may feel the other’s presence, dreams or moods. This is why “just moving on” rarely works without energetic clearing and emotional repair.
Tools for Unhooking a Trauma Bond with Energy Medicine
Healing a trauma bond is both an emotional and energetic process. It’s about reclaiming the life force that has been invested in someone else’s field and re-grounding it into your own. Some supportive practices include:
Nervious System Regulation Grounding is the first step. Deep breathing, gentle movement, time in nature and somatic practices calm the body’s stress response. When the nervous system feels safe, the grip of attachment begins to loosen.
Cord Cutting and Energy Reclamation In energy medicine, you can visualize or facilitate the release of cords which are energetic threads that connect you to another person This isn’t about severing love; its about clearing entanglement. During meditation or healing work, imagine your energy field surrounded by light. See any cords that feel heavy or draining and with compassion, return their energy to them and call your own energy back home. Ask your higher self or guides to assist in sealing your field with pure source light.
Heart Chakra Healing Trauma bonds often live in the heart in the intersection of love and pain. Gentle breathwork, rose or green light visualization and flower essences like bleeding heart, pink yarrow or self heal can help mend the emotional body and restore authentic self love.
Inner Child Dialogue Reconnect with the part of you that first learned to associate love with fear Ask the child within “what do you need to feel safe now? Energy healing that includes inner child work allows those fractured timelines to integrate, bringing back innocence and wholeness.
Forgiveness and Boundaries Forgiveness is not permission for harm; it is the release of energetic charge, As you forgive, you dissolve the cords of resentment that keep you tied Healthy boundaries then protect the newly healed field, preventing reattachent,
Restoring Authentic Connection Once a trauma bond dissolves, space opens for true connection in relationships based on resonance, not rescue. Our body’s learn that love can be safe, calm and steady. This is the healing; when peace no longer feels like boredom and love no longer feels like pain
Trauma bonding is not a sign of weakness; it is the body’s brilliant attempt to heal through familiarity. When we approach it with compassion and energy awareness, we transform survival patterns into conscious power
Through the work of energetic clearing, inner child healing and nervous system regulation, we retrieve the pieces of ourselves that were once given away. As we reclaim that energy, we begin to live and love from wholeness instead of the wound.
Let’s work together
Every experience holds the seed of healing when met with presence and love. Through my work, I guide others through gentle awareness and release of what is heavy as we integrate what has been fragmented and return to the deep harmony that has always been within you. If you are interested, I invite you to book a free 30 minute discovery call with me to see if we fit together for a transformational journey together. Drop me an email at lisa@divinavida.co
